Thursday, June 18, 2009

An open letter to VH1 about Hotness and TV Countdowns



Dear VH1,

The other day I was watching this show you had on- The 40 hottest people of the 90’s or something like that. It was really entertaining. Mostly because I grew up during the 90’s and had memories of almost everyone you talked about.

It turns out, I was a little confused on the point of the show. You see, our culture uses the word “hot” in many ways:
  • Temperature- It’s hot outside; the stove is hot, etc.
  • Spice- Wow, the chili you made is really hot.
  • Sex appeal- Did you see that guy? He’s hot.
  • Awesomeness- Have you heard that song? It’s hot.
  • Success- That actor’s career is hot right now.
I think we can all agree on that, right? Ok. As I was watching your countdown, I assumed you were talking about people who were HOT- as in, physically attractive, wildly successful and ridiculously popular.
  • Johnny Depp? Hot.
  • Heather Locklear? Hot.
  • John Stamos? Hot.
  • Ethan Hawke? Hot.
  • Cindy Crawford? Hot.
  • Leonardo Dicaprio? Hot.
  • Tyra Banks? Hot.
  • Tyson Beckford? Hot.
  • Pamela Anderson? Hot.
  • Jenna Jameson? Ok, well… I was young in the 90’s, so I’m not exactly “familiar” with her body of work… but, I’ve heard of her. So that has to mean something, right?
  • Joey Lawrence? Hot.
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar? Hot.
  • Heather Graham? Hot.
  • George Clooney? Hot.
  • Denise Richards? Hot.
  • Denzel Washington? Hot.
  • Cameron Diaz? Hot.
This was a countdown show, so all of these people were ranked in their relative hotness. None of the people I mentioned above were the #1 hottest person of the 90’s. So, who was possibly hotter than Johnny Depp or Cindy Crawford? I mean, their careers took off during this time. They were on FIRE.

Well, VH1, you took a nice long commercial break before the #1 hottest person of the 90’s was announced to build the suspense. My mind was racing. Maybe Julia Roberts? She wasn’t on the list yet… or maybe Tom Cruise? Wow, who could it be?

Oh, VH1... do you remember who you said is the hottest person of the 90’s? Mark Wahlberg. As in Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Mark “My brother used to be in New Kids on the Block” Wahlberg. Seriously??

I like Mark Wahlberg. I think he’s grown up to be a great actor. But his “hottest” time has come since 2000. The roles he’s had, the producing he’s done… he’s even cuter, now. Mark Wahlberg was not, in my opinion, the hottest person of the 90’s.

All anyone could talk about was his abs. His abs and how he used to take his clothes off whenever he could. And his Calvin Klein ads. Their was a brief (pun intended) mention of Boogie Nights, but the main focus was on his abs and his underwear.
That’s when it hit me, VH1!

Your countdown wasn't defining hot as physically attractive, wildly successful AND ridiculously popular. It was defining hot as just the most physically attractive… as in “Wow, look how sexy they are.”

Ok… VH1, so you think Mark Wahlberg is the hottest (physically attractive, sexiest) person of the 90’s? I can’t get on board with that either. I mean, look at him. No, really- look:



I know, nice abs, whatever. But he was an idiot then. Really.

You had Cindy Crawford and Pamela Anderson on the list! Cindy Crawford revolutionized modeling. Pamela Anderson wasn’t a caricature of herself yet. C’mon, one of them could have been #1 easily.
You had Tyson Beckford on the countdown. Have you ever seen him? He might actually be perfect looking. Or, what about John Stamos? Uncle Jesse was super hot. We all know it’s true.

Look, VH1, clearly there were other options for number 1.

I'm sorry, Marky Mark. I just can’t be on board with your “hotness.”

Love, Megan

P.S. What does everybody else think? Who do you think is the hottest person from the 90's?

2 comments:

  1. Well, I don't know who was the hotest but it wasn't MarkyMark. He is the new Vin Diesel if you've seen any of his recent adventure movies!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Delores O'Riordan.

    What? I've never been conventional.

    D

    ReplyDelete